I know I fail....

I know I fail....
Places that upheld my confidence have been stormed.
      You alone are my fortress...
I need you to sustain me
     to give me life, to provide
I can't do it! 
     I am nothing!
To live for your glory is my desire
     But every day I am stained.
You clean me repeatedly. 
     Your Grace is amazing.
I find joy in knowing you more,
    in seeing you and your works.
How marvelous you are!
When thinking about what you've done in my life,
     I can't help but be amazed!
Every day I wish to bring you glory,
     to see more of you.
Your love is fulfilling,
    like nothing else.
No food, no drink,
     no warmth, no comfort,
     no excitement, no accomplishment.

I Cried Today....

Yup, and I'll admit it. It wasn't because I was laughing too hard either. So it's the first time I've actually cried in a long time. I'm not a crying person. I was always the strong one. Everyone told me they were impressed by how strong I was when I had a foster sister, when my dad was in the hospital, and when my family fell apart. I hardly ever cried, and when I did it was usually out of sheer anger (and lots of it!).

Tonight was different. I was riding home from college and was pretty torn-up about things that have been on my mind for awhile. (If you wanna know contact me somehow, but I don't wanna burden the unsuspecting reader.) On my ride I had a long talk with God. Literally. Outloud. It was great. I had never talked to God like this; it was so open and raw!

And then I cried; I wasn't mad, I wasn't sad. There was no regular reason for me to cry. Why I cried was because I was deeply moved in spirit. I had let go completely to my God and was completely vulnerable for once in my life. Through my tears I continued my talk with God, realizing how earnest this prayer experience was. I realized how blessed I am, how great God is, and the peace He brings!

Afterward I sang "Jesus Paid It All" and it took on a completely new degree of reality. Then I just quietly enjoyed the peace of God and His tranquility. His love is so great for us!!

What We Can Learn From Trees

Trees seem simple to us. Silent. Large. Never moving, yet beautiful. Their leaves change colors, a display of God's perfect plan. We can see God's glory in the trees.

What do the trees have to do to bring glory to God? Just exist, honestly. Or is it more than that?

Trees are God's wonderful creation. He loves them. I think they know that. They don't have to worry or work, but God provides for them.

A tree's total reliance on God is an awesome way they bring God glory. They rely on God to bring them water and sun. Imagine if trees had legs and didn't rely on God. They would try to meet their needs on their own. I imagine the legged tree chasing after the sunset, to no prevail, never getting closer, because it doesn't trust God that after the dark night He will be faithful and bring the sunrise.


So what is it that we can learn from trees? I think we should learn to mirror their complete reliance on God. They never worry and never try to do things on their own apart from God. Even when their needs aren't being met, they just wait until God provides (and He always does).

Our God is faithful! I have decided to rely on Him like the trees do and to bring Him glory!

Confessions and Prayers (in poem form)

Lately I've thought a lot about what I should be doing for God and how I should be living my life. I couldn't come up with any straight-forward answers. All I knew was that I felt like I should be doing so much more. God is so great and has done SO much for me. What am I doing for Him? I know that He is my one Passion. Nothing else is driving me anymore. It's different from anything I've ever known, but what am I doing about it?

I watched "Letters To God" today. That combined with my recent reading Matthew 13:44-46 really spoke to me. I highly recommend reading those (found below) and watching the movie--it's on Netflix instant streaming. The result? The following poem; I'm not a poet, but it's straight from my heart.

God, You are awesome,
     don't let me forget it.
At times I get mad for what you've done for me,
     show me how You used it for Your glory.
Sometimes I feel like You don't care,
     teach me to listen.
I'm scared of what I do not understand,
     hold me close to You.
I don't know what plans to make,
     make them for me.
I don't know what to say,
     speak through me.
There are days when I feel alone,
     show me You are there.
I'm lost on how to glorify You the most,
     take control of me.
I always hold on to my selfish, sinful desires,
     make me grasp onto You instead.
I feel useless,
     show me what You've done, and what You will do.
I'm confused on how to live for You,
     live in me.
I don't have the courage,
     lend me your strength.
I'm unmotivated,
     flood me in Your all-consuming fire.
I'm down-hearted,
     remind me of what is to come.
I surrender all I am and all I have,
     take it and don't let me look back.

Matthew 13:44-46

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."